I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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