I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
