I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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