At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
