why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
