Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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