there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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