its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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