he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
