you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
