Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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