Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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