why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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