Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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