I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
