Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
