My sheets look like a crime scene.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
