he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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