Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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