bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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