I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
