If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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