I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
