I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
