That's intense
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
