oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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