What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
