My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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