If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
