That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
