Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
