1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
