i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
