Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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