pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
