Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
