my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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