I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
