Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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