I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
