So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
