doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
