Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
