We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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