what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
