Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
