Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
