i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
