M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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