So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
