fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its about making memories worth repressing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
