You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
