She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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