What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
