worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
