You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
