Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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