i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I love having hate sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
