Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
