I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
