just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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