drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
