I'm eating all of the evidence.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
