I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
