i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
