Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
