his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
