I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I won the penis lottery.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
