Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
