I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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