I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
