oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
