I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't turn off my feet"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
