Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
