I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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