We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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