I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
