so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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