He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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